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Ummmm….Errrr….Save the Pinapples for the Supreme Court


Dear Supreme Court,
You SUCK! The rights of the citizens of this nation are being compromised, and you have arbitrated that the sole document designed to protect the citizens of this nation has nothing to say about backscatting (or body scanning people down to the skin in airports) in full violation of the 4th Amendment.

I just refinanced my pact with Lucifer himself so you can lick the sweat off my balls for all eternity, because today, distinguished Justices, you decided to go to Hell. You also decided to go to Hell when you gave the Propaganda to the Companies under Citizens United. When you decided not to hear Jonathan Corbett’s case, you decided that the 4th Amendment is not important for the average citizen. How noble of you to arbitrate this decision when each of you is rich enough to fly on private jets everywhere and avoid TSA scrutiny altogether?

It reminds me of that time in the mid -’90’s when a Republican-dominated Congress (of Millionaires) had a serious conversation about abolishing the Clean Water Act, practically the only thing left making the U.S. a different country from Mexico. When your net worth is in the millions, you forget the taste of tap water and that you may once have had to rely on it (and totally took for granted its cheap- and awesomeness). Romney’s campaign is failing? No shit, Sherlock!

Both this example and the one you pulled today are particular low points in American history. As arbiters, you can arbitrate practically anything, so why the fuck do you keep arbitrating for the Dark Side? You know the Founding Fathers would puke all over you in revulsion if you ever got to meet them (and not necessarily because some of you are women), so WHY? Just because our Constitution doesn’t spell out Things that Only Bastards Do, must hide behind it every time something shitty is going on and pretend you’re powerless to keep it from happening? (John Roberts being the most “activist” among you is a sad commentary on the profound suckitude of your court.)

If you Supremes are the best examples of judicial prowess, then the entire role of the judicial branch of government needs to be thoroughly interrogated. The law schools obviously haven’t been breeding model citizens for some decades now if the Letterists have failed their way upwards onto the bench and entirely replaced the Spiritists. Where the fuck is Thurgood Marshall when you need him?

For these reasons and others stated above, I hate to say it, because I’m going to enjoy it less than you (after all, it’s Hell we’re talking about so it’s not supposed to be fun), but eternal Ball Sweat and Sphincter Pineapples are your Just Desserts.

Sincerely,
Commandante Wood

P.S.: Let me be clear that the above references to “Hell” are only about things that will happen to you after today, and after you die of completely natural causes after blowing way past your average life expectancies due to fantastic Government healthcare and less stress because you’re top-of-the-pile baboons. (So, we’re talking about 150 years from now, generations after anyone in my income bracket has been forgotten.)

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