Sheeple

So, I had a conversation with a friend/colleague a few months back that went something like this:

Me: “Don’t you think there’s something fundamentally wrong with this trend of putting video cameras on every street corner just to see if we can ‘get’ people?”

Lady: “But if you never do anything wrong, you have nothing to worry about…”

Me: “That’s a fucktastically ridiculous notion, considering what is ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ by law is determined by the whimsy of the legislature and literally changes overnight. One day something you’re doing (talking on your cell phone while driving your car, for instance) could suddenly become illegal, yet you keep doing it because of force of habit. Suddenly you’re a criminal.”

Lady: “Uuuh. You’re making me want to throw up.”

Me: “‘I didn’t know the gun was loaded’ used to be a laughable defense. Now in this day and age, lawyers have to specialize in very esoteric areas of law because no one can be expected to know the whole law in its entirety anymore. Moreover many laws are unethical, like the Federal Government’s recent attempts to take medical marijuana away from terminally or seriously ill patients in states where it has been approved as a medicine.”

Lady: *softly retching*

Me: “Here, let me hold the barf bag. The other issue is one of an ethical slippery slope: we put cameras on every street corner, and every public area to make sure people are caught when they do something wrong–after all, a camera is scarcely going to thwart a crime in the act–so where does this invasiveness stop? I mean, the FCC mandated that everyone have a GPS tracking device in their cell phones 7 years ago, RFID chips are now in our passports that can be read from hundreds of yards away, and because they can’t pay enough assholes to watch every minute of public paranoia footage, computer algorithms are being designed to comb through millions of hours of footage [the TSA even is developing one to read your facial expressions to determine how suspicious they should be towards you]. This all culminates in either RFID chips implanted under the skin of every American [some people do this deliberately already because they can’t keep all their medical information straight] or anal probes. Giant, red, white, and blue rectal plugs with laser GPS, gyroscopes, internal cameras, external cameras, fart sensors, stool samplers, and an accompanying app for your iPhone to upload your every detail to the government for tax breaks.”

Lady: *projectile vomiting*

This unfortunate person was a member of the sheeple, a sheep-person/centaur-like creature, covered with downy wool, infinitely obedient, rubbery and spineless, with a flaccid semi-human torso attached to a velutinous posterior connected to lamb legs. The kind of person that bestial government cowboys like to rape because they don’t resist, and because sheeple rams doubtless have larger penises than goons (sadly enough), minimizing their pain through (once again) desensitization.

Those afraid of rocking the boat live in ignorance that the boat from time to time must be rocked to remove the cannibals who would let their fears entitle them to eat us all.

But the road to becoming a sheep-person is complicated indeed, and while I hinted on it in my last post, I will extrapolate in the next one. After that, I will detail why Google is starting to suck.